Share the Road

A 50 year old man riding an electric scooter down a busy street unintentionally gets air as he pulls off the sidewalk a little too early. A look of concern flashed over his face but he quickly recovered. It was clear this was not his first time on this thing. Not until he zipped through a three way stop sign did I wonder why a middle aged man dressed professionally, wearing glasses and a business satchel over his shoulder is riding a scooter on a busy but very much residential street, and also why the hell was he going so fast? He kept frantically looking over his shoulder, like a running back hearing footsteps. It wasn’t funny on its own nor was it bizarre enough to become so, and after he began holding up traffic it became rather annoying. Hugging the sidewalk but still in the street, he gave the guy in front of me an avenue to pass but the car would’ve had to veer over the solid yellow line and into oncoming traffic. But when I saw that no traffic was oncoming and the car still didn’t make a move, I became resentful. Now my anger was channeled at the car in front of me but I quickly realized that wasn’t fair to him, he was simply abiding by the rules of the road that were being held hostage by the helmetless tyrant I told you about earlier.

Who is this man? Where did he come from? Where did he get that scooter? And why is he riding a scooter? I drive on these roads every day. There are a bunch of office buildings in the area but they were in the opposite direction of where he entered our story. This wasn’t some crackhead speeding to his next score, this was a white collar professional. He just spent his day advising elderly clientele on where to best invest their hard earned assets and then located the nearest electric scooter through an app on his phone and scooted home. In the heart of a city this would be passable although not preferable. But we’re in the suburbs, people. Either this guy has a fresh DUI or he really is a crackhead.

Anyways, I’m still behind the car who’s behind the scooter. A block later the car makes a right turn, finally, and leaves me alone with this maniac. I pass him on his left only to quickly approach a four way stop sign. Now this intersection is annoying because of the impasses and Mexican standoffs created as a result of the timidity and ignorance of the drivers who frequent it. You yield to the car on your right. The car on my right comes to a complete stop at the exact same time I do. Does he know he has the right of way? Or will he wait long enough for me to impatiently take initiative only to hit the gas two seconds after I do, forcing me to yield in the middle of the intersection and let him pass? Or maybe he stops then goes then stops then goes and we both look like idiots? He does not! I am filled with joy to report this driver knew the rules of the road, waiting one mississippi before proceeding on his merry way, perfect execution. But what’s this? The scooter guy comes flying through the intersection without a hint of stopping let alone slowing down, so our driver hits the brakes to let him pass. At this point I can’t help it so I let out a healthy honk that rightfully told the scooter to rot in the deepest depths of hell. But what’s this? The intelligent driver shoots a glance at me! He thought the honk was aimed at him! I began to point at the scooter to let the driver know that I know the rules of the road too, that my honk was of anger not of ignorance. But it was too late. He shook his head, disgusted to be sharing the road with the likes of me. There was nothing I could do. The scooter man got the best of me. The last I saw of him he was speeding down the road, glancing over his stupid shoulder. I swear I saw him smirking at me.